Most couples talk about problems, victories, and other matters that are a part of daily life, but rarely do they set aside time to survey their own marriage. The purpose of these questions is to help you “check-in” with your spouse to see how your marriage is doing. We have provided a wide range of questions to help you get a good overview of your entire marriage.
When and How?
There are really two ways in which you can get the questions answered:
- Ideally you would set 1-2 days aside every year to get away with your wife, have fun, relax, enjoy one another and reflect on the past blessings and health of your relationship. Goal is to relax, rest, relate, plan, & pray.
- For many parents, a weekend retreat is not always possible, so at the very least you can go out for an extended dinner where you talk through at least a few questions. I have meet some couples who work through just a few questions at a time over a series of dinner dates. That way, you spread out the evaluation over a period of time, and you also develop a good habit of asking each other heartprobing questions.
What would a 1-2 day retreat look like?
It’s recommended that you get away from your house, children, job and other responsibilities for at least an over night. (Again, if you can’t get away, you can at least plan an extended dinner where you plan to take a couple of hours to talk.) Couples can go through this list of categories and questions however they see fit. One way that seems to be helpful is to design 3 sessions. After your breakfast and quiet time, go off on your own and reflect for an hour on the questions related to Section 1. Come back and discuss your answers. (If you finish Section 1 before lunch, then
start Section 2.) Take a break for lunch. After lunch, discuss Section 2 (this section likely doesn’t need too much personal reflection). Take a break (run, enjoy each other) and then, over dinner, discuss Section 3 together (this section likely doesn’t need too much personal reflection). It’s also a good idea to pray both before and after each Session – so that a spirit of grace, charity, encouragement and trust in God’s faithfulness permeates your time. With the above schedule, you can have a relaxed, fun, but purposeful day.
It is important to make sure you cover all of the general categories so you get to survey all the aspects of your marriage. If you find that you are getting “stuck” on one subject, make note of the problem area and plan to come back to this subject later. If you find that you can’t resolve a particular issue, take some time to pray about it and (if the disagreement persists) seek out an elder in your church.
Download: A Do-It-Yourself Marriage Retreat